An Inspiring Afternoon

Disclaimer: this is not the park I was at.  This is a picture
I took in Northern Thailand over a rice field.  But the
gold feeling is the same. 

I just had an inspiring afternoon, which is exactly what I needed because I have felt remarkably uninspired this month.  For whatever reason I have felt like the words have been sucked from my fingertips.  My keyboard has been a stale companion this month, which is unusual to say the least.  My keyboard and I usually get along very well, we never seem to run out of things to say - that is, we never used to seem to run out of things to say.  But as I already mentioned, both my keyboard and I have been heavily afflicted by a scorching case of writers block for the past month.  Fortunately, some unknown element in my afternoon seemed to offer just the elixir I needed.  

The office is closed for Christmas and New Years this week.  I have been spending a considerable amount of time with some lovely friends, but today I was all on my own.  After doing laundry, taking out the recycling (which hasn’t been done in 2 months I think) and doing a few other household chores, I decided I would venture out to my favorite nearby park, “The King’s Park.”  It was a gorgeous winter’s day, with a frigid high of 88 degrees Fahrenheit, and remarkably, the park was relatively empty.  I walked along paths that wind in and out of trees, bushes, flowers, ponds, streams, and gardens, and tried to take in the beauty of my surroundings with fresh eyes.  


Thailand is really beautiful.  That is of course an obvious statement, you don’t have to have ever been to Thailand to know it’s beautiful, because it’s one of those places that is famous for being gorgeous.  Like Hawaii, everyone knows Hawaii is beautiful, even people who have never even dreamed of going there.  But sometimes that beauty can lose it’s magnificence to the accustomed eye, and in Bangkok, you must purposefully keep your eyes opened and searching for the beauty that seeps its way up through cracks in the street and leaks down from the trees that pop up every now and then in this cement jungle.  After all, Bangkok is still Thailand, even if it doesn’t look like it at first.  I can be pretty hard on Bangkok sometimes, but if there is one thing that Bangkok does really well, it’s parks.  Bangkok has huge, sprawling parks complete with: rivers, ponds, trees, flowers, gazebos, gardens, paddle boats, large evening jazzercize classes, free exercise equipment, fruit stands, ladies with bamboo mats for rent to lounge under a tree on, tennis courts, basketball courts, swimming pools, and depending on the time of the year, kites, and paper lanterns for sale.  Thai people come out in droves to jog, ride bikes, make use of some often times nonsensical free workout equipment, and of course to purchase a stick of luke chin (hot dog balls bbqed on a stick) and sticky rice and lounge in a nice shady spot with friends and family.  Spending the afternoon in a park in Bangkok is a sure way to energize a tired heart.  


Anyway, so today as I was breathing in the “cool” winter air and strolling through my favorite part of the park which has huge Thai versions of weeping willow trees, I spotted the perfect gazebo next to a quiet pond.  I decided to go stretch out on one of its benches and be consumed with my current book.  As I sat reading something magical happened to the air.  It turned gold.  The air all around me was rich and warm and glittery and yellow.  It smelled sweet and thick.  The humidity hung around me like a blanket, which might sound gross to any readers from more temperate climates, in fact I can hardly believe I am saying this myself, but sometimes a nearly 90 degree afternoon in the shade with a warm touch of tropical humidity can wrap around you like a hug (I’ll need lots of intercession in order to re-adjust to cold, wet NW weather).  There were two rather sizable (probably about 4 - 5 feet long) water monitors drifting through the pond next to the gazebo.  In past months, I probably would have felt uneasy about the proximity of their presence, but for whatever reason, I seem to have been released from fear of them (for now...).  It was such a lovely afternoon.  After taking a break from my book to indulge my senses in my delicious surroundings, I dove back in only to be jolted by a new train of thought.  


“1 January 1930:  First day of the year and decade.”  I read this sentence in my book and wondered, “did I think about new years being the first day of the year and decade in 2010?”  Where was I on new years 2010?  I was in Africa. On a mountainside doing the African shuffle dance in a large circle to a drum beat celebrating the new year with the Agou (the name of the village I was in) DTS.  I wonder if the way you bring in a new decade is telling at all for what that decade will hold for you?  I hope so.  It’s nearly 2012.  I will be turning 25 a few weeks after.  That means that when 2020 rolls around and I will once again be welcoming a new decade, I will turn 33 years old shortly after.  I wonder what my life will look like then.  Will I still be traveling the world and having adventures?  Will I be settled in America?  Will I be settled in a different country?  Will I be married?  Will I have children?  What if I’m not?  Am I okay with that?  The truth is, I’m not sure.  I love my life, I really do.  But sometimes I feel cursed by my blessing.  I love exploring this world, meeting amazing people, bringing what I can to the equation to promote love, blessing, and peace, and I love writing about it.  I love being an artist, even if that art isn’t always visual.  But sometimes that gift, that life that is so adventurous and good that it sounds fake even to me as I’m living it, can feel pretty lonely.  So what will my upcoming years and decades hold?  Will I continue to venture into the unknown? Be torn apart by anxiety and fear in the process, but be rebuilt by fulfilled dreams, divine encounters, and new depth to understanding?  I hope so.


I suppose what I’m really reflecting on today are the ways that dreams shift, and the ways that God grants them.  They may end up looking a little bit different than when they were first birthed in our hearts so long ago - but what a beautiful thing, to see them mature, take shape, and be blessed.  And to know, that if you are following the one who gives the dream and then delights in granting it, you will find yourself feeling freshly inspired in many more glittery golden parks nestled in the heart of your fantasy.  After all, Thailand has always been a part of my dream, and so has writing.  It certainly has looked different than I imagined so long ago, but I trust that as this life of mine that is so fantastic (in the literal “fantasy” sense of the word) and extravagant at times continues to play out through the years - I will not be disappointed.  I’m sure there will be disappointments - I’m not so disillusioned to imagine there wouldn’t be - but overall, I anticipate many more glittering afternoons saturated in fulfilled longings.