An Inspiring Afternoon

Disclaimer: this is not the park I was at.  This is a picture
I took in Northern Thailand over a rice field.  But the
gold feeling is the same. 

I just had an inspiring afternoon, which is exactly what I needed because I have felt remarkably uninspired this month.  For whatever reason I have felt like the words have been sucked from my fingertips.  My keyboard has been a stale companion this month, which is unusual to say the least.  My keyboard and I usually get along very well, we never seem to run out of things to say - that is, we never used to seem to run out of things to say.  But as I already mentioned, both my keyboard and I have been heavily afflicted by a scorching case of writers block for the past month.  Fortunately, some unknown element in my afternoon seemed to offer just the elixir I needed.  

The office is closed for Christmas and New Years this week.  I have been spending a considerable amount of time with some lovely friends, but today I was all on my own.  After doing laundry, taking out the recycling (which hasn’t been done in 2 months I think) and doing a few other household chores, I decided I would venture out to my favorite nearby park, “The King’s Park.”  It was a gorgeous winter’s day, with a frigid high of 88 degrees Fahrenheit, and remarkably, the park was relatively empty.  I walked along paths that wind in and out of trees, bushes, flowers, ponds, streams, and gardens, and tried to take in the beauty of my surroundings with fresh eyes.  


Thailand is really beautiful.  That is of course an obvious statement, you don’t have to have ever been to Thailand to know it’s beautiful, because it’s one of those places that is famous for being gorgeous.  Like Hawaii, everyone knows Hawaii is beautiful, even people who have never even dreamed of going there.  But sometimes that beauty can lose it’s magnificence to the accustomed eye, and in Bangkok, you must purposefully keep your eyes opened and searching for the beauty that seeps its way up through cracks in the street and leaks down from the trees that pop up every now and then in this cement jungle.  After all, Bangkok is still Thailand, even if it doesn’t look like it at first.  I can be pretty hard on Bangkok sometimes, but if there is one thing that Bangkok does really well, it’s parks.  Bangkok has huge, sprawling parks complete with: rivers, ponds, trees, flowers, gazebos, gardens, paddle boats, large evening jazzercize classes, free exercise equipment, fruit stands, ladies with bamboo mats for rent to lounge under a tree on, tennis courts, basketball courts, swimming pools, and depending on the time of the year, kites, and paper lanterns for sale.  Thai people come out in droves to jog, ride bikes, make use of some often times nonsensical free workout equipment, and of course to purchase a stick of luke chin (hot dog balls bbqed on a stick) and sticky rice and lounge in a nice shady spot with friends and family.  Spending the afternoon in a park in Bangkok is a sure way to energize a tired heart.  


Anyway, so today as I was breathing in the “cool” winter air and strolling through my favorite part of the park which has huge Thai versions of weeping willow trees, I spotted the perfect gazebo next to a quiet pond.  I decided to go stretch out on one of its benches and be consumed with my current book.  As I sat reading something magical happened to the air.  It turned gold.  The air all around me was rich and warm and glittery and yellow.  It smelled sweet and thick.  The humidity hung around me like a blanket, which might sound gross to any readers from more temperate climates, in fact I can hardly believe I am saying this myself, but sometimes a nearly 90 degree afternoon in the shade with a warm touch of tropical humidity can wrap around you like a hug (I’ll need lots of intercession in order to re-adjust to cold, wet NW weather).  There were two rather sizable (probably about 4 - 5 feet long) water monitors drifting through the pond next to the gazebo.  In past months, I probably would have felt uneasy about the proximity of their presence, but for whatever reason, I seem to have been released from fear of them (for now...).  It was such a lovely afternoon.  After taking a break from my book to indulge my senses in my delicious surroundings, I dove back in only to be jolted by a new train of thought.  


“1 January 1930:  First day of the year and decade.”  I read this sentence in my book and wondered, “did I think about new years being the first day of the year and decade in 2010?”  Where was I on new years 2010?  I was in Africa. On a mountainside doing the African shuffle dance in a large circle to a drum beat celebrating the new year with the Agou (the name of the village I was in) DTS.  I wonder if the way you bring in a new decade is telling at all for what that decade will hold for you?  I hope so.  It’s nearly 2012.  I will be turning 25 a few weeks after.  That means that when 2020 rolls around and I will once again be welcoming a new decade, I will turn 33 years old shortly after.  I wonder what my life will look like then.  Will I still be traveling the world and having adventures?  Will I be settled in America?  Will I be settled in a different country?  Will I be married?  Will I have children?  What if I’m not?  Am I okay with that?  The truth is, I’m not sure.  I love my life, I really do.  But sometimes I feel cursed by my blessing.  I love exploring this world, meeting amazing people, bringing what I can to the equation to promote love, blessing, and peace, and I love writing about it.  I love being an artist, even if that art isn’t always visual.  But sometimes that gift, that life that is so adventurous and good that it sounds fake even to me as I’m living it, can feel pretty lonely.  So what will my upcoming years and decades hold?  Will I continue to venture into the unknown? Be torn apart by anxiety and fear in the process, but be rebuilt by fulfilled dreams, divine encounters, and new depth to understanding?  I hope so.


I suppose what I’m really reflecting on today are the ways that dreams shift, and the ways that God grants them.  They may end up looking a little bit different than when they were first birthed in our hearts so long ago - but what a beautiful thing, to see them mature, take shape, and be blessed.  And to know, that if you are following the one who gives the dream and then delights in granting it, you will find yourself feeling freshly inspired in many more glittery golden parks nestled in the heart of your fantasy.  After all, Thailand has always been a part of my dream, and so has writing.  It certainly has looked different than I imagined so long ago, but I trust that as this life of mine that is so fantastic (in the literal “fantasy” sense of the word) and extravagant at times continues to play out through the years - I will not be disappointed.  I’m sure there will be disappointments - I’m not so disillusioned to imagine there wouldn’t be - but overall, I anticipate many more glittering afternoons saturated in fulfilled longings.  

Coming Alive

Did you know that a baby's lungs are filled with fluid while they are in the womb, and it is not until their first strained breath after birth that the fluid begins to be pushed out? It may take up to several hours of difficult, painful, uneven breaths for a baby to regulate its body to its new environment. Can you imagine the feeling? It must be like drowning in reverse. I imagine that it feels sharp, like a knife slicing through the lungs, but that it also makes the baby panic – no wonder almost all babies start out crying. But what a worthwhile battle. Those scary, painful breaths literally bring air – every human's most precious resource – to the baby for the first time. Those first breaths literally propel that human being into their future, into the dynamic daily struggle and celebration that is life.

It's no wonder that God describes growing in relationship with him like being born. It's such a struggle sometimes. I have had years of relative bliss before my time in Thailand. Of course there were some aspects of life that were trying – to say the least – but in general my adult life thus far has been amazing, privileged, and a joy. In contrast, my first six months in Thailand have been riddled with tears, heartaches, and confusion. However, throughout my time here I have never questioned if it was the right choice to come, I knew all along, despite the difficulty, that it is good that I am here.

Over the past two months I have begun to breath steadily, and those strong deep breaths have opened up my eyes to see the world around me in a way I never could before. The oxygen that has entered my lungs has showed me that in many ways I was living life like a fetus – safe, warm, taken care of, and merely existing. God is so kind to us, taking us step by step through this process of coming alive. He knows we wouldn't be able to handle it if He transformed everything about our lives and perspectives all at once. He gives us the faith we need in the moment we need it, He gives us the provision we need in the moment we need it, and He gives us the challenge to hold onto Him and press through when we need it. I genuinely do not believe that God destines people to go through seasons of loneliness, brokenness, or any of the deeply turbulent things that happen in our lives – I believe those things happen because we are living in occupied territory, we are quite literally under attack. I do believe that God's character is faithful and good, and that although He doesn't will for these things to happen to us, He uses all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28). And He has used all of the things that have been challenging for me about my life in Thailand for good.

It's also been a dream of mine to
 ride an elephant! Woohoo! 

He has also fulfilled several of my dreams. He has shown me that I can do the things I genuinely didn't believe I could do one year before. Yes, of course I can do those things because of His strength, but I believe He created me with specific gifts, talents, and passions that He gave as a free gift. He designed me with these characteristics to be used and put to use – even if I wasn't connected to Him. That's just how good He is, He gives freely knowing that some of the gifts He gives to humans will never be used in the ways and purposes He designed them for, but when God gives something, He truly gives it. It's yours. I believe that even though certain things about who God made me to be were there all along, unbelief in who God tells me I am barred me from living in the reality of the identity He gave me.

The river at the bottom of Doi Sutthep

I had a moment of deep thanksgiving and praise while traveling over the past month. I was in Chiang Mai, a relatively large city in Northern Thailand nestled between green tropical mountains. Chiang Mai in and of itself was a life giving place for me to spend time. The city is kind and inviting, there are endless interesting people to meet, it is easy to walk through the city (unlike Bangkok), and the air is cool and clean. There is a mountain very close to the city called Doi Sutthep. Doi Sutthep has a big temple about ¾ of the way to the top of the mountain that lots of tourists like to go take pictures of, but there are also a series of small waterfalls near the base of the mountain that locals enjoy visiting in the late afternoon to relax and spend time with their families. One day while I was in Chiang Mai I walked to Doi Sutthep and went on a short hike around the base of the mountain, and then retired by the side of the river along with many other groups of students, friends, and families. As I sat on a rock perched over the side of the river at the base of a small waterfall, I was struck with the enormity of the moment. I live in Thailand. I have been dreaming of living in Thailand probably since I was a little girl marveling at the big carved wooden elephants, and carved screen from Thailand that used to adorn my grandparent's living room. I am also working as a writer. I have known that I wanted to be a writer since I was very young. I don't remember exactly when or what inspired this dream in me, but it has been there burning inside for a long time. I couldn't wipe the giant grin off of my face as I watched the sun fall behind the shadow of the mountain while birds began to fish in the calmer pools along the river, and families laughed, played, and pulled dried squid out of their bags to snack on...here in Thailand.

The struggles that seemed so enormous and painful when I arrived in this nation have begun to fade. And I have begun to fall in love with this place. I have to laugh and celebrate when I think of how God gave me just enough encouragement to keep me going day after day during the first several months here. He was helping me to struggle through those rough tormented breaths that pushed the warm and comfortable fluid out of my lungs, and allowed the cold, intrusive, life giving air to sting me. I expect that there is a lot of fluid left in my lungs, there is much, much more life that God wants to bring me into that I will undoubtably cry and struggle against. But for now, I need to take this moment to celebrate this process of coming alive. How deep and real life is outside the womb, with color and heat, laughter and pain, sweat and joy – how good our God is to invite us into deeper and deeper vibrance of life.   

A Confession.

I have a confession.

Photo from Creative Commons, by Swaminathan

I have a crush on Bangkok.

It's strange. If you were to call me up and ask me how I feel about Bangkok, I would immediately want to tell you how much I dislike certain things about it. About the crawling traffic, the dirty air, the cloud of greenhouse gasses that settles down on its streets everyday, creating a world without winter – a world where it is either hot and not raining, or hot and raining. But there would be a nagging voice in the back of my mind that would say, “all of that is true, but at the same time you are starting to fall for this place anyway, aren't you?”

I know that cities are usually referred to as feminine, but for the sake of this entry, we're going to refer to Bangkok, and my previous geographical loves, as men. My first international city crush was definitely on London. He was clean and romantic. He confidently showed off with his idyllic ancient charm mingled with every possible modern convenience. He made me feel free – he was after all, my first international city love – he made me feel alive.

Then there was Sorrento (Italy). Sorrento and I had a young and unpredictable romance – even now, every time I think of him, I can't help but smile. He had ancient cobble stone alleys that led to the mediterranean sea. He was still european, and for the most part safe, but he had a more unpredictable side. He wasn't embarrassed – he sang loudly and free. He made me feel beautiful.

After a long break from european romances, there was Lausanne. Lausanne was perfect – almost annoyingly perfect. His streets were clean and beautiful. He had the cobblestone, he had the cathedrals, he was reliable and prompt, he had a beautiful lake, he even had the Alps. He made me feel at home, he made me feel accepted and known and loved.

There were many more: Antwerp, Madrid, and Gottingen, just to name a few. I even had a short lived and exotic fling with Agou (Africa). It was filled with rich color and deep sweet smells. Although it was short, it impacted me in a way none of the others ever could.

These city loves all had something in common (except for maybe Agou). They made me feel nervous and shy at first, but they were approachable and kind. They invited me to get to know them, to walk through their streets, to sit in their cafes and learn their characters. It was easy to flirt with them, to learn them, and to let them into my heart.

Bangkok is different. Bangkok is tan and mysterious and tough. Bangkok has dust and dirt on his clothes. He is strong and intimidating. I can tell just by looking at him that he is dangerous – but somehow I know he wouldn't hurt me. I have been weary of him. I have kept him at a distance and watched him carefully. But somehow, through the months, he has been breaking down my defenses. He has been luring me in, and I am beginning to trust him. We are taking it slow – I have never loved a city like him before, so big and threatening – but he is patient, he is subtly enticing me with his altogether mysterious personality. Today I went on a walk with him; only for twenty minutes or so, but I let him whisper some of his secrets to me as he led me through small walkways, over nearly flooded passages in his slum, stepping over diseased and malnourished dogs. He was strange and foreign and romantic and beautiful. My heart was beating quickly, and I felt insecure to be the recipient of some of his intimate secrets – but he knew it was what was needed to turn my head.

So there. I said it, I am falling for Bangkok; for all of his dangerous, dirty, humid, hot, intense, crowded, but beautiful and romantic ways. However, my true first love need not be jealous. No city – no matter how tall, dark, and handsome – could ever steal my heart from Portland – my true love. :)  

"Save the Spider from the Foreigner!"

I found this picture on the internet, as I did not get a picture of my
new friend.  This one is probably similar in size.  

I would like to cordially introduce you to my newest acquaintance, his name is Huntsman Spider, and he is huge and scary. After looking him up on the internet I have learned that he actually lives almost anywhere that is warm including the Southern United States. However, he is reported to grow the largest (up to 12 inches across) in Laos, which is a short bus ride away from the house I met him in. Fortunately, the Huntsman I met was probably only about five inches across...but really, five inches is still a very sizable spider. After doing a little reading I have learned that he is not poisonous, and he rarely bites humans. He is very fast. He eats other insects, small lizards, and sometimes small rodents. He does not build webs but waits for his prey to come close to him, and then he charges and attacks them. This is how we met:

My friend, Pii Kwan, and I, were staying in an old, wooden, traditional thai style house in NE Thailand. This house was really awesome, but Pii Kwan and her family did not want us to shower in this house's bathroom. The bathroom was far nicer than many a bathroom I have seen, but her family preferred that we use the bathroom in her brother's house which was right next door. Her brother's bathroom is attached to the house, while the wooden house's bathroom is not, and it is tiled, while the wooden house bathroom is made of cement. However, the wooden house bathroom has a ceiling, and a real porcelain toilet, and I have used bathrooms that lack both of those things, so I didn't think it was necessary. Anyway, one evening I was collecting my things from the wooden house and heading over to Pii Kwan's brother's house to shower. As I walked toward the stairs, I saw him. He was huge. He sat perfectly still, right in front of the stairs. I froze, and stared trying to determine if this was in fact a real spider I was seeing. Pii Kwan's mother was sleeping already, so screaming was not an option. I decided that I would go to Pii Kwan's brothers house where my friend and her niece and nephew already were, and tell them about what I saw.

When I came into the house I described the spider to Pii Kwan and her niece and nephew. They looked alarmed and said that they would go take a look. I told them that I wanted to come, but her nephew motioned for me to stay, and Pii Kwan agreed, “you should just stay here and take a shower, it's okay, we'll take care of it.” I tried to not freak out every time my hair brushed my back while I was showering, I tried to keep my eyes closed as I rinsed the shampoo from my head, but I was thoroughly creeped out and felt the need to keep my eyes open all the time, frantically taking in my surroundings. I thought about how nervous they all seemed when I described Huntsman to them, “he must be very poisonous,” I thought as I finished showering. When I came back out to the main room Pii Kwan and her niece and nephew were lounging on the couch.

“Did you find him?” I asked

“Yes, we found him.” replied Pii Kwan.

“Oh good, is he dead?”

“No, he was very fast, we couldn't catch him.”

“You mean, he's still in the house?” I stared at Pii Kwan in disbelief, trying with all my might to not be a spoiled little American girl.

“Yes, but it's okay, we have never heard of this spider biting anyone before.”

I restrained myself from exclaiming that I did not want to be the first recorded case, I nervously smiled and nodded my head and said, “okay then...yup, yay for mosquito nets!”

Pii Kwan's niece got up as I started to leave and picked up a fan that her mother was going to let us borrow for the night. “Oh, I can carry that,” I said. She shook her head, smiled, and said, “may pen rai” (it's okay), and Pii Kwan told me that she loves to be helpful and to let her carry the fan, so we started to march back towards the house. As we climbed the stairs I nervously stared at the empty space where I had last seen Huntsman, “Oh God, save me, where has he gone?” I thought. And then, there he was. In the middle of the floor...waiting for us. I tried not to be too loud, but I could hardly contain myself, “Ah! THERE HE IS!” Pii Kwan's niece does not speak english, she said something in a soothing voice in thai, put down the fan then walked over to a pile of stuff in the corner. “Are you going to kill him?” I asked frantically, knowing perfectly well that she didn't know what I was saying. She picked up a hammer of the top of a pile of tools. “A hammer!” I exclaimed, imagining the horrendous scene of an exploding giant spider under the weight of a slung hammer knocking a giant spider sized hole through the floor. She did not respond. Instead she slowly walked toward Huntsman, got down on her knees, and quickly pushed him off the edge of the house (half of this house was not fully enclosed) with the hammer. I stared at her not knowing what to say for a few seconds, “he gone” she said in broken english. “Kop khun maak maak maak ka!” (Thank you very very very much!) I said, she laughed, and said, “may pen rai.” and then left me with the fan.

As I crawled into my mosquito net I imagined Huntsman crawling back up the wooden stilts supporting the house. It wouldn't take him long – he was incredibly fast and nimble for a beast of his size. Then I wondered why Pii Kwan's niece didn't kill him. That's when it hit me. This is a buddhist land, these are buddhist people, and buddhists don't kill...anything. As I thought about this I silently laughed to myself wondering if the alarm on everyone's faces wasn't because there was a potentially dangerous animal camped out on the floor of our house, but because they didn't want this innocent creature to suffer at the hands of a blood thirsty and crazed foreign girl.

I asked Pii Kwan about this later, and she assured me that her niece probably didn't kill him because he was too fast, but I can't help but think that if he's not too fast to push with a hammer, he's not too fast to squish with a hammer. Thus I must wonder if what was running through her mind was not, “I will help save my sleeping mother and this ridiculous foreigner from this venomous monster,” but instead, “I must save the spider from the foreigner!”

Hey God, Maybe You Should Use Me This Way Instead...

Do you ever feel the need to give God a copy of your resume? To remind Him what your skills and “areas of expertise” are? To say, “God I just want to gently remind you that I am best qualified to do 'a', 'b' and 'c'. Sometimes during my day to day grind here in Bangkok, I feel like printing out a crisp copy of my resume, writing up a snappy cover letter and requesting an audience with “the Boss,” if you will.

I have been realizing that I had certain expectations about what my life would be like here in Thailand; I felt I knew, at least partially, how God would use me. My expectations weren't necessarily bad, they were mostly drawn from how God has consistently used me in the past, but it seems that He is doing a new thing with me here in Thailand, and while I am all for new things, it takes some getting used to.

People getting on and off busses in
downtown Bangkok (Picture by
Oo Piyamary)

I have been living back in Bangkok for about one month now. It was very difficult for me to leave Pattaya. I heard someone describe Pattaya before I came to Thailand as “hell on earth,” and I can absolutely understand why. However, the ultimate sin city captured my heart, it was an honor in the deepest sense of the word to be allowed to be a part of what God is doing in that city – even for a short time. Bangkok is a different story. Bangkok is really, really big. It is loud and the traffic deserves every bit of its legendary reputation. Bangkok is not like Portland, with well planned streets, large forested parks, and unique and fun neighborhoods which all work together to make you feel truly invited into her culture, to be absorbed into her pulse. Bangkok is characterized by mega malls the likes of which America has none, large apartment buildings lining the streets, and occasionally an ornate Buddhist temple. Bangkok is really, really hot. But the truth is, I don't think any of these things are what have actually dampened my affection for this city. I expected that God would use me to build community here, because He has used me to build community in nearly every home I have ever had. I expected that I would quickly find my niche in this city and understand what my purpose is here. This has not been the case. I still spend quite a bit of time alone here, however, I wouldn't really describe myself as lonely anymore. I have a few precious friends that I am able to grab dinner with here and there, or go downtown with on a saturday, things like that. I have grown to really appreciate the quietness, listening to God, even when it is scary and painful, because when there is no roommate to leave the quietness behind with, God is able to speak things that I once was able to run away from hearing.

I am learning to allow God to do whatever He wants with me, which is probably something a missionary should already know how to do, but I guess you could call me a missionary in training. My time in Pattaya was challenging because I didn't feel I was capable of doing what I was there to do, but God provided for me everyday and worked through me despite myself. My time in Bangkok is challenging because I don't know what I should do. I am still writing for the website (I will include a link to my latest article), and I have other writing assignments that are not articles for the website. I am also going to start doing more photography for the website, which is pretty exciting. However, I feel I need a balance of communications and volunteering in another way. I need to be with people, but I am still unsure of what that should look like. I was praying a few weeks ago that I wanted God to make me a blessing, whatever that means, whatever that looks like, I just wanted Him to use me to bless whoever He wants to bless. I suppose that prayer might have been the catalyst for my recent trip to North Eastern Thailand.

A friend of mine that I don't know extremely well, but that I have felt a good connection with, invited me to come home with her, to her village in Isaan (NE Thailand). I was very excited and honored by the invitation. Isaan is where the vast majority of the girls working in Pattaya are from, and from what I can tell, this region's culture flavors the rest of Thai culture – this region is the birth place of unspoiled Thai culture. After expressing excitement at the prospect of joining my friend she said, “Katie, I have never brought anyone home with me, not even a Thai person, and especially not a farang (white person). My village is like a “village village,” it will not be convenient, are you sure you want to come?” I laughed and said, “Pii Kwan, I am so honored that you would ask me, and I have lived in 'village villages' in Africa, I can handle it.” She laughed uneasily and said, “okay, you check with Adrian (my boss), to see if you can come and I will call my parents to make sure it's okay.”

The house we stayed in

Two weeks later after both of us went through some short lived, yet violent sicknesses, we were on a bus embarking on a nine hour journey to her home. Our bus drove through the night, we arrived at about six a.m.. We got off the bus on the side of a country rode. There was a small shop across the street that we bought bottled water at and sat waiting for Pii Kwan's father to pick us up in his truck. Before long we were climbing a 

wooden staircase up to a traditional thai house, where we slept that week. The village was much nicer than I had imagined after Pii Kwan's warning. The streets were mostly paved, there was electricity and running water, and although the toilets were “squatty potties” they were made of porcelain, not a hole in the ground, like I was expecting. It was such an amazing experience to spend the week in the village. I was the only westerner for miles, so every time I walked down the street, I could hear people whisper, (or sometimes not whisper) “Farang! Farang!”

My thai language is not very good, and the people in the village speak a different dialect of thai, so I was not really able to communicate at all, but God worked despite this obstacle. The second day of our trip Pii Kwan's father told her he wanted his best friend to meet me. I was a little bit shocked by this, but I went with the flow. We went to his house and sat in his front yard for what must have been at least two hours. He asked me many questions about America (Pii Kwan translated), and about how I was liking Thailand.

“Does America have rice?”

“Well, we import rice, but we don't grow it.”

“What do people grow in America?”

“Oh, lots of things, wheat, potatoes, vegetables, cotton...”

“Does America have chickens?”

...and many more such questions.

After this we spent a fair amount of time meeting people, asking and answering questions, and just visiting.

Pii Kwan cooking in her parent's kitchen 

On our last day in the village we went to Pii Kwan's sister's house in a nearby city for a small family reunion dinner. Everyone seemed a little bit stressed out about this dinner, and afterwards I was able to thank God for the language barrier which allowed me to attest to the saying “ignorance is bliss.” Pii Kwan's sister does not like foreigners, and it turns out that her parents used to not like foreigners too. They didn't really want me to come visit, and her sister didn't want me to come to dinner. This isn't because they are racist – they aren't – this is because the only foreigners they have met have been rude, loud, and offensive. I didn't know any of this until the bus ride back to Bangkok when Pii Kwan explained it all. I really didn't do anything special when I was in the village, or at her sister's house. I simply ate the food (which was good), smiled, laughed and tried to be friendly.

Pii Kwan's Family

Pii Kwan told me on the bus on the way home that she had been praying about bringing someone home for a long time. She felt like God was saying she should bring me home, and now she knew why. Her parents started to really like me, and her sister enjoyed having me over to their house as well. She told me that her family has really struggled with her being a missionary. They are a very Buddhist family, and even more than that, they are deeply engrained in an honor/shame society. They don't understand why their daughter isn't making money. Pii Kwan told me that she had never seen her parents warm up to someone like this before, and that they were even more open towards her than they usually are. They told me before we left that they would miss me, and they want me to come visit again whenever I have free time. Pii Kwan has been praying for her family, and for their hearts to be softened, for ways and opportunities to share who Jesus is with them. I am so honored that God decided to use me to possibly start opening their hearts towards what their daughter is doing, and who she is living for. I am hoping to return to the village again in October for my next 'visa run' (I have to cross a border every three months for my thai visa), because her village is very close to Laos.

I have been back from the village for four days now. It's hard for me to expect Jesus to use me to bless people here, like he does when he takes me outside of Bangkok. It's a strange battle, one that makes me want to tell God to re-write my Bangkok 'job description,' instead of holding onto hope and pressing into God, waiting for Him to do what He wants with me. Please be praying for God's will be to be done here in Bangkok. Pray for Him to speak to me, and for me to be obedient. I don't think God is going to give me the 'Working with God in Bangkok Orientation Handbook,' but I know that as long as I am obedient when He speaks, He will be using me for His purposes – what more could I want? Please also pray for Pii Kwan's family, that they would come to know Jesus and that they would become missionaries in their village.  

Here is a link to my most recent article:  http://www.ywamthai.org/news/updates/3132-shining-light-into-darkness.html

If you want to see more pictures of my time in the village, you can check out my facebook album by following this link https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.618430323940.2110313.42904569

The Walls Came Tumbling Down

“On the seventh day the Israelites got up at dawn and marched around the town as they had done before. But this time they went around the town seven times. The seventh time around, as the priests sounded the long blast on their horns, Joshua commanded the people, “shout! For the Lord has given you the town!” ... When the people heard the sound of the rams' horns, they shouted as loud as they could. Suddenly, the walls of Jericho collapsed” (Joshua 6:15-16...6:20).

I was reminded of the story of Jericho many times over the past week. God is delivering this city from evil, he is commanding the Christians to walk in faith, marching through the streets with expectation that he will cause the walls of injustice and corruption to fall here, just like he did in Jericho. I can already see cracks forming in these seemingly impenetrable walls.

There was a festival in Pattaya last weekend that took me by surprise. Most of the markets and street vendors in the heart of downtown Pattaya are saturated with pornography and sex. The building I teach english in is in the middle of one of the worst streets for blatant prostitution, and this street is connected to a major road – “Beach Road” – which is a hub for women working in prostitution who are not connected with a bar. It is also a hub for pornography. Beach Road – as you may have guessed – is directly on the beach. It offers an interesting array of people, cultures, and merchandise. There are always innumerable tourists shuffling about on Beach Road, some spend there days lounging in reclining chairs allowing their skin to burn to a crisp, others hire one of the many boat owners walking up and down the beach enticing customers with pictures of para-sailing, snorkeling, and a nearby island. But by far, the majority of tourists on Beach Road are middle aged to older, white men, usually from Europe. They walk up and down the streets, often stopping to sit with a pretty woman who is sitting on a bench waiting for just such an occurrence. There are also many merchants walking up and down the street selling every imaginable food, fruit, drink, and “souvenir.” They sell jewelry, hats, clothes, toys, oils, and often large posters of naked women. There are also tables displaying watches, necklaces, carvings, and giant paintings of naked women. You have to be prepared to go to downtown Pattaya, if you are not receiving from Jesus it can feel assaulting just to be there, just to be surrounded by the perversity – fortunately, God has called his children to step into just such circumstances, to shine in otherwise dark places, and he never sends his children into the darkness ill-equipped, he is our strength and source of life in places where the darkness threatens our spirits.

Rice and pork cooked in grape leaves
sold at the market

Anyway, last week I left work and started heading down Beach Road. However, the commute was heavily congested that day by endless street stalls that aren't normally there. At first, I was annoyed by this disturbance to my schedule, but soon as I started to observe my new surroundings, I felt hugely encouraged. The next three days held the first ever “food, fun” festival in Pattaya. Beach Road was transformed. There was literally at least two miles of street vendors. It was a fairly typical Thailand market, but typical Thailand markets don't exist in downtown Pattaya. For a few days, there were families walking down Beach Road, there were people selling paintings of floating markets and elephants instead of pornography. There was a glimmer of hope in this festival. 

Empty bar on a friday night

We spend a lot of time praying for God to close the bars in Pattaya. We want to see God redeem tourism here. This city lives and breathes tourism, so tourism disappearing would destroy Pattaya. There is a prophetic painting in the prayer room on the top floor of the building I teach in. The painting is of Soi 6, the street the building is located on. The street is lined with little shops and street cafes. Apart from the sign at the end of the road reading “Soi 6,” you would never guess this painting is of the same street. But this is our prayer, that God would restore this city, that people would come to visit because of the beautiful beaches, the delicious and unique foods, and because of the genuine hospitality and kindness of Thai people. God is starting to answer these prayers. There are empty bars all over the city. There are entire streets being rebuilt – bars are being torn down and condos, stores, and hotels are being built in their stead. It is so life giving, and faith building, to actually see God transforming an entire city right before your eyes.

Every few months some of the Christians in Pattaya rent four or five song-taws (pickup truck taxis), and ride around the city for an hour or two worshiping and praying. I was able to join a song-taw prayer meeting this past sunday. It was an awesome time of intercession and prayer ministry. I believe that worshiping God is a powerful tool for spiritual warfare, that lifting up his name and declaring that he is Lord of lords and King of kings breaks something in the spiritual realm. As we circled the city proclaiming God's ownership, authority, and love, I was once again reminded of Jericho.

There are a unique mix of Christians here. Some are single women called to reach out to, and minister to the broken, abused, and oppressed “bar-ladies” of Pattaya. Some are families with young children who are stepping out in obedience to be a light in a dark place, to love children and their families, and to often rescue and intervene in child prostitution and slavery. There are some young people who have received God's heart for the poor, those living in the extensive slums of Pattaya. And there are many citizens of Pattaya who have received the love of Jesus and are now disciples themselves, going back into the bars, but this time to share what freedom they have found, reaching out to their neighbors who also have had their families taken advantage of, and caring for the neighborhoods they themselves grew up in. We were an odd bunch to be sure – as we rode around the city singing together, just like the Israelites must have seemed, a tattered and tired group who had literally been raised wandering in the desert. But just as God responded to his children's shouts of obedience then, he responds to us now.

The world has not gone to hell in a hand-basket, God is hungry to redeem his cities, to rescue his people, and to replace burdens, oppression, and injustice with freedom. He is aching to do these things, but he chooses to do those things through us. Don't underestimate your prayers, prayer moves the hand of God. Please continue to join me in prayer for the city of Pattaya.   

You're The Light in this Darkness

I originally wrote this story for the YWAM website, but the Tamar Center is registered under a non-profit here in Thailand that many YWAM ministries are registered with, because these ministries are registered under this non-profit they are recognized by the Thai government - which is a great blessing.  However, we have to be a little bit sensitive to how much we reference Jesus and the Holy Spirit on the website when specifically addressing these ministries because of this affiliation.  Because of this, my story cannot be published on the website, but I wanted to share it with you guys, it was a great experience!! 

“You're the God of this city, you're the king of these people, you're the Lord of this Nation, you are. You're the light in this darkness, you're the hope to the hopeless, you're the peace to the restless, you are.” I recently found myself singing these lyrics as a prayer over the city of Pattaya during a time of intercession and worship. As I reflected on the power of these words and the weight they carry in such a dark place, I was taken aback by the reality of the battle that is raging here. I was sitting in a small room on the top floor of a building owned by The Tamar Center – a ministry that reaches out to women working in the sex trade in Pattaya. The building is about halfway down a road named Soi 6, one of the worst streets in Pattaya for prostitution. As we sang and prayed we could here the music, the people laughing, and the general commotion from the bars below. Sometimes as I walk through the streets here, I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude and grasp of darkness and brokenness that is so blatantly celebrated and paraded through this city, but then I remember that God is in the business of defying the odds, God is in the business of redeeming and defending what is His – and He is the God of this city.

Two of our english class students with
one of our thai staff

I am a short term volunteer at the Tamar Center where I teach english to women who are still working in the bars. The free english classes are a part of The Tamar Center's friendship evangelism with the women of the city. Each class consists of an hour of english teaching, along with ten minutes of prayer, worship, and a short devotional from one of the Tamar Center's thai staff. During one of our classes I was given a glimpse of what God is doing in the hearts and minds of the people of Pattaya.

There didn't seem to be anything particularly special about class that day. We learned some new vocabulary, practiced pronunciation, and the girls had a good laugh about my attempts to communicate in thai. One of the Tamar Center's staff members shared a brief story from her life and told the girls about some of the training opportunities offered through The Tamar Center, and then began to lead us in worship. As we started to sing one of the students began to cry. She quickly got out of her seat and walked towards the window. A staff member gently approached her and offered her a listening ear and prayer. The rest of the class continued to sing, but it wasn't long before we noticed that tears were beginning to well up in the other women's eyes as well.

At first we were surprised, unsure of what brought on such a wave of emotion, but after a moment it became clear – The Holy Spirit was moving in the room and breaking down walls in these women's hearts. After a powerful time of prayer and intercession not only for the girls, but with the girls, we said “amen” and expected that the time had come to a close. We opened our eyes and shifted our glances from person to person – no one moved. The girls smiled intermittently as they wiped tears from their cheeks, tears that spoke of heartache, pain, and suffering. But these tears also spoke of a glimmer of hope – they had tasted something that afternoon that they recognized as authentically powerful and at the same time loving. Soon one of the ministry leaders who had joined us began to play the guitar again, “if they don't want to go home, we will continue to worship,” she said. We shared in a beautiful time of fellowship with The Holy Spirit for an hour before the girls went their various ways.

As far as I am aware, none of these women have accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior at this point, (however, at least one of them is very close) but they have briefly tasted of the freedom He brings, and are hungry for more. Several women arrived around 45 minutes early for the following day's english class. We chatted for a while, but the women were curious about the Bible, they wanted to hear more about God. One of the staff handed out Bibles and walked them through the creation account in Genesis, teaching them about God's authorship, and that He created each of them. The women read along, asked questions, and engaged their minds and hearts in the story. English class soon began and finished as normal – no tears or emotional displays. But it is clear that God is working in these women's hearts, beckoning them to step into the freedom and love that He holds out for each of them as a free gift, if they will only take it.

At first glance, Pattaya appears to be a city devoid of hope and locked up in darkness. But there have been men and women of God called to this city as light bearers crying out and interceding for the city for many years. Those prayers are powerful weapons and their fruit is beginning to ripen – please rise up in prayer with those who are working here as God breaks through the battle lines drawn in the sand and redeems his children held captive by darkness one by one.