It's another gray and rainy spring day in the northwest. It's getting to that time of year when even the most devoted citizens of our wet home begin to itch for sunshine, for the seemingly eternal sheet of gray that locks us in to finally break open and let the light and warmth of summer beckon us out of hiding. And although I too am anxious for the rain to stop and the sun to come, I am trying to discipline myself to savor every moment of the cool air. Only after experiencing a truly hot and tropical climate can a person celebrate the cold all the way through a northwest winter.
I am getting on a plane armed with a one-way ticket to Bangkok in 9 days. It's a horrible thing to be stuck in the last few weeks before a major life change. Sometimes it feels like I am locked in a prison aching to see what the world is like outside my chamber. But as much as I want to know, I have no concept of what to expect, I can't even begin to imagine my life after release, after arriving. Yet at the same time I feel as though I am stepping outside of the deepest safety and love a person can know. I have had many homes over my limited years, and they have all been dear to me, but Portland surpasses them all. I saw many dreams come to fruition over the past year. I was able to live not near, but in the city I love, and with four of the dearest friends I have ever known. I experienced life and growth through a body of believers who are authentically chasing after Jesus and living on mission in our city, and I worked two very diverse jobs that both taught and blessed me hugely. And even now as I write this looking out over the water glittering and dancing under the myriad of shades reflected from the sky and trees above at my parent's house in Gig Harbor, I can't help but wonder what would compel a person to leave such blessing and provision. But as much as the questions derived from leaving comfort and familiarity pierce and prod at my confidence, my belief in His calling and character are stronger.
I will never forget the moment when I realized that while following Jesus does often mean making decisions that the world would see as foolish, deciding to do so brings you into a level of freedom and life that a person cannot obtain on their own. I was sitting on a wooden bench built into a wrap around porch on a wooden tree-house like building nestled into the side of a mountain in tropical west-Africa. It was New Years day and the sunset was breath taking. I was accompanied by possibly one of the most genuinely sweet people I have ever met, Anna Svensson from Sweden. We were all the sudden gripped with the reality of where we were, what we were seeing. The sounds of the tropical forest were loud, the humidity hung heavily in the air, but with it came a sweet scent of flowers, and you could hear the townspeople at the base of the mountain singing, drumming and celebrating the new year. It was gorgeous. I was so afraid of going to Africa before we left, it was miraculous that I boarded the plane of my own free will. But God used that trip to set me free of many fears, He showed me that while trusting Him is not always comfortable or safe, He knows our hearts unlike we do ourselves, He knows where to lead us, what moments will bless us and reveal more of Him to us, and what freedom we will receive if we just take that step into the great unknown.
So as thoughts of the foreign and unfamiliar buzz through my brain and heart dangling fear in front of me like a warm coat on a cold day, I think back to that day in Africa when I realized that God wants to lead me in this life fulfilling my hearts desires as He uses me to accomplish His purposes. I am unendingly grateful for the beauty and extravagance of my home, for the community that blesses me beyond words that I have known here, but I am ready to leave it all behind as I chase Jesus further into His plan.
